The simultaneously Invisible and Hyper-Visible Man

Ralph Ellison speaks of himself as an Invisible Man in his amazing novel by the same name. He indicates the reason for his invisibility isn't because he's invisible or he's not there, it's merely because people choose to not see him.

I understand this sentiment.

I find myself in situations where it seems that people don't even notice I'm present. In the last 72 hours, people have a) walked in front of me to have a conversation with someone i was talking to, b) made a disparaging comment about me to another party, c) been looked through, as if i'd been transparent- think Casper the Friendly Ghost type stuff. I have been ignored at a restaurant to the point of my leaving after ordering but before getting my food. All of these could be considered data to prove Ellison's argument true.

But it's more than that.

I'm pretty sure if that's all it was, it would suck, but i'd shrug my shoulders and keep it movin'. It also seems that blacks can, in a matter of seconds or even simultaneously in certain situations, become hyper-visible: visible in a way as to stand out in either positive or negative ways- for me, usually negative. As I was walking to the bench and picnic table i'm writing this on, I have to walk down maybe 100 feet of sidewalk to get there. As I approach the sidewalk, a woman who is walking toward me, walks around a tree and into the street until she passes me and then returns to the sidewalk. Look homegirl, I get it. But what she did made me want to just sprint after her and watch her run the fastest 200 yards since FloJo in 1988. The example from yesterday evening with the woman and her self described "racist dog" is more evidence that my race comes into play. Dogs bark at people sometimes (or maybe there are just way more racist "dogs" than i think.

It's interesting when invisibility and hyper-visibility converge simultaneously- when someone who has been looking through or choosing not to a person is confronted by that person- the moment when authentic relationships can start- the person goes into hyper-visibility mode and reacts in fear: maybe it's clutching a purse or checking for a wallet (yeah that happens)- maybe it's not being able to look you in the eye, maybe it's just turning in panic and walk away quickly (all three of these things has happened to me since i've been in Boston).

When the baton of humanity is handed to you, it's your responsibility to grab it. Dropping it shouldn't be an option. Too many times, it's the standard.