cops can be worse than criminals- study of empirics

so this happened.... after grocery shopping, i come out to my car and start to load the vehicle and someone behind me says something. when i turn around and notice they have a *fucking gun* pointed at me. the guy looks at me and says "you ain't him, you old," turns around and leaves....someone in an adjacent parking lot is shot and taken to the hospital, and the police want me to talk to them about what i saw. I'm not feelin a cop and my helping seems dangerous, so i tell them i'd like to not be involved, i didn't see what happened at the shooting, there was no way to prove the person who held me at gunpoint, etc, assuming this would be sufficient...The officer then tells me that i'm "the witness to a crime" and that if they need to they can "get a material witness warrant" and can hold me until i offer the information they need...so, despite me telling them i didn't know what the man looked like, and that i was pre-occupied with the Sig P226S he had in his hand and having my life flash before my eyes, i needed to offer this man some information. Criminality flipped in front of me: officers strong-arming information from me and being more intimidating than the "criminal" who actually made my life flash before my eyes with his loaded 9MM. i'm not tryin to be collateral damage. it made it seem like the police cared more about possibly catching this person, and if that meant putting my life at risk to do so, then well that's just what it takes. i felt more in danger in my prolonged conversation with police, in which i was accused of "bangin" of "aiding and abetting" and that "if I didn't want to help, the DA would assume i was hiding him and end up being charged"- scare tactics that would probably have broken me at other times of my life. I described the gun, pointed out the height of the guy and what kind of kicks he was wearing, and told them if they were planning on holding me for information i didn't have, that I needed to call the ACLU, the NAACP and my local attorney before we went any further, which i'm sure is why i'm at home now and not still still sitting in the front of a police car (you think you're gettin me in the back of one of these? fuckouttahere) or sitting in a jail cell, for my own protection. Interesting that at the end of the day, my interaction with the officers as they did what was self described as SOP ended up causing me more anxiety and stress than having a weapon pulled on me and only upon his reflection that i was too old to be who he was looking for, was I not shot and from where he was, killed.

Really? Really? Come on man...

To the person that felt the need to use my birthday wish as your forum to dispute the hatred and racism I personally and physically experience. 

Thank you. 

Thank you of reminding me of my place. Thank you for reminding me why I work hard to transform hearts and minds with my words and my deeds. Thank you of reminding me that, despite how far we have come, the distance traveled isn't comparable to the distance we have to travel. Thank you for reminding me that empathy is an applied skill, and whereas I may try my best to apply it graciously and across the board, that people are allowed to apply it as they choose. Thank you for reminding me that even in the relatively safe of my friends, that the ability to go through my day, even merely reading my own FB wall, can't guarantee me the ability to have my experiences question. Thank you for reminding me that for every person that can empathize with the African American experience, there's three against it and six that don't act because they believe the three of you over us. 

Thank you for reminding me the struggle against White Supremacy is a 24-7 job, and you don't get your birthday off. 

Yours in Blackness,

Doug

Deez Nuts to you...

The Debate summarized in way under 500 words...

In a nutshell...

Economy flowed Clinton, except for the Rust Belt people who are sold on NAFTA/Trade and the shell of what the upper midwest used to be. 

Justice flowed Clinton, except for those who believe that the world is less safe than it was, and that police officers should get the benefit of the doubt in order to do their jobs and keep America safe. 

Security flowed Clinton, except for those people who think that the world, and America, in on the verge of being awash in terror, and want to be able to make sure they're safe when they go to the mall, as to not be stabbed or killed. 

Temperament flowed Clinton, except for those who see Trump's ability to bully not just her but the moderator as a sign of strength for him and weakness for both of them (a woman and a black man).

So HRC won in all the areas she wanted to win, and Trump moved the needle in all the areas he needed to win. He'll pick up votes in OH and PA, where he needs to win to be able to win the presidency. He'll pick up suburban whites who believe that the world is becoming more racialized and thus less safe (we remember safe is a code word for white from our coded language dictionary, right?). He'll pick up some undecided who will see HRC as too weak on crime/terror because she's bound by that damn Bill of Rights. 

Winner. In real time-HRC. In what matters, accessing undecideds, Trump. Not sure HRC won any votes she didn't already have, and I'm sure Trump moved the needle on trade and crime, despite my finding his claims abhorrent for the most part.

We deserve this. 

The conversation on race we're not having

We're having the wrong racial conversation in America. Or a better phrasing, we're doing quite well at not having the racial conversations we need to have.

Kaepernick has been at the apex of the news for his decision to quietly protest against the Star Spangled Banner by sitting. His argument is that there is disparate treatment for Black and Brown people in this country, and he can't stand for an unjust system. But for some reason, people have an inability to show empathy for black and brown people, to step into their shoes for just a minute, look through their eyes and try to align with their pain. Why is it hard for people to show empathy? There's a ton of reasons I'd imagine, but I think the framing of the discussion is key...

...in the last week, I have read articles with regard to politicians and executives that have taken what i think are racially abhorrent stances. Governor of Maine, after calling all drug dealers Shifty and D-Money and accusing them of impregnating white women on their way home (yes, he got to say that and really nobody said shit), has made the claim that blacks and hispanics are The Enemy, and that you shoot and kill The Enemy...This is followed up by Rudy Giuliani telling people that it's not cops they should fear, but instead they should fear black children, and it's the fault of black parents for not instilling more discipline in their kids. We end our Racism Trifeca with the onslaught of NFL football executives who have come out, anonymously of course, to say some of the most hate-filled things- from (simply) being called a traitor to being compared to murderer Rae Carruth- they believe he'll be cut and never play in the NFL again. For sitting during the National Anthem.

But meanwhile, a Governor can, in the process of over-exaggerating the number of black and brown people convicted for durg offenses (He says "Binder 90% full of black and hispanics"- numbers more like 15%) essentially give a shoot to kill order on black and brown kids. Giuliani telling people it's black parents faults simultaneously makes people look down on black people collectively, the kids, because they need to be feared, and the adults, who don't have the moral code to enforce respectability. The NFL execs, behind a cloak of secrecy, help spread anti-blackness against not just Kaepernick, but ends up projecting into other facets- if the owners can hate him, then so can I.

Politicians propagate fear through the society about black and brown people. Police officers respond to the people and their fear by being particularly mindful (profiling) black and brown people. Black and brown people complain to deaf ears. Which is why Kaepernick acted.

The irony is most won't see the connection.

Open Letter to Colin Kaepernick

Colin,

You need to know there are people out here in your corner. I'm one of them. I'm not a 49er fan, but I am a fan of social justice, and for speaking truth to power. The stance you're taking by being seated is spurring a conversation that needs to happen, and would not have happened but for this catalyst.

I'm sure you recognized there would be people that would be angry at your decision, that people would be angry with the way you chose to stand up for your beliefs. But here's the thing, protest will always make someone unhappy, and it's usually the members of the oppressor class. It's not your job to make sure people are happy by the method you chose. The entire idea of the "wrong method" pre-supposes that someone who is not in your position can tell you how to protest. Why is that OK? What way would be the best to protest? What way could you have protested that would have been as effective as a conversational catalyst and would have not made people mad? There's literally mounds of proof that most people don't have the vocabulary and nuance to be involved in conversations about race without getting defensive or angry.

I  love that people think that your making money has anything to do with anything. It's as if they think that being rich solves the racism of being black. It doesn't. It just changes the expectations, and the demand for respectability politics is mind numbing. It's like they say "you got your money nigger, now shut the hell up." Also, the double standard of this claim displays some degree of tone-deafness that's hard to understand. Poor people have been shouting from the rooftops about disparate treatment from police officers for as long as there have been poor people, police officers and rooftops and nobody ever seems to hear them- it's as if despite there being a critical mass of people saying this- that the cognitive dissonance of the listener is such that nobody hears the need for change. But the minute someone with access to a megaphone does it, people complain of the method. This is also blurred in with the "well what's he doing next to solve the problem? It's as if they don't realize you're making a collective call to action- that it would be impossible for you to solve the problem alone, and that all of us need to make an effort, which means people have to do more than ask you what you're doing next.

If all you did was start the conversation, we're good.

Thank you for your words. Thank you for your action. Thank you for your strength.

DD

compassion in the form of breakfast tacos

i went running this morning (yes, you read that correctly) and in the process of doing so, i passed my favorite taqueria- they make tortillas fresh and press them before putting them on the grill, which is a Game Changer- and there's a homeless woman sitting out front that asked me something, but i had my headphones on and didn't hear her. Since my training right now is just doing loops around the block (1.01 miles) i passed her a second time, but this time I took off my headphones and asked her what she asked me the time before. She said she was hungry and was hoping to get some money to eat.

Note: the taqueria is next to a liquor store and despite the early hour, she's drunk.

I tell her i don't have my wallet (i didn't) and apologized. I continued on my run, and once i got home, i grabbed my wallet and ran back towards the taqueria. she was still sitting there, so i asked if she could stand and walk with me inside the taqueria and she did. I had her order some food, I paid for it, and we sat and talked for a few minutes...former tech person, she got sick, husband committed suicide bc he thought she was terminal but miraculously lived, leaving her with the guilt of her husband killing himself for her and she lived, so she's been "committing slow suicide" for a couple of years, although she couldn't tell you because she doesn't know where in the calendar she/we are now...

the whole thing reminded me of a couple of kernels of wisdom for a wednesday morning. 1) homeless people are people, some who have stories eerily similar to stories I or people close to me have gone through, 2) compassion for the people on the margins is a good thing and 3) sometimes it's not enough to just *want to* act and/or do the right thing, sometimes you just have to do it.

Philando Castile proves the obvious: The NRA is *kinda* racist

I've never had a high opinion of the National Rifle Association. I've always felt they were oppositional for the sake of being oppositional, and would advance policies to the detriment of their overall cause- the advancement of gun rights for citizens. I also felt like the policies were slanted to the benefit of the current power structure- for example they fought harder against waiting periods with more rural and white populations then in urban areas with more diverse populations. I felt like they wanted to make it easy for white people to get guns and protect themselves against "threats" who almost always came in darker shades of melanin. Friends of mine in the NRA (yes, I have them) have told me I was reaching- the NRA didn't care who had a gun because it was our codified right- the right to bear arms...and then Wednesday and Thursday happened. 

On Wednesday, Philando Castile, a felony free, concealed and carry permit holder was stopped by police and, despite being told of the weapon and the permit, was shot in front of his family and Facebook Live. The NRA was particularly silent on this topic on Wednesday. On Thursday, at a protest against police violence in the deaths of Castile and another man who was also gunned down on video on Tuesday, Alton Sterling, a lone gunman killed five police officers and injured seven more in the deadliest police day since 9/11. The NRA was quick to respond to the police shooting, and in their statement of the shooting, acknowledged that there was a shooting in Minnesota of a legally carrying man who was shot by the police, but that they couldn't talk about it as "an ongoing investigation"-unusually tepid language for an incendiary organization. 

I thought the response was curious. I wasn't alone. There were other people who thought this was problematic, and it's a set of people they can't just ignore, like they would me. It's their members, and its opening a chasm in the organization- members who can't understand why they have chosen to go silent. The Washington Post has an excellent article on the Internal Revolt and its possible implications. But as I thought about, I realized I shouldn't have been surprised- there has been a time in it's history that the NRA has been for gun control...like most of it's history until really the Black Panthers started carrying around loaded weapons for protection which California responded with the Mulford Act, which were at the time some of the strictest gun control laws in the country, and supported by the NRA. 

All I know, is it seems every time blackness and the NRA intersect, you can rest assured the NRA will not speak on the behalf of blackness, despite it being in its best interest to do so. You know, advancing policies that work to the detriment of it's overall cause...

three things white privilege denies me daily...

Three things White Privilege takes away from Black people, and I'll scale these for you:

Small: Freedom. Blacks can only play Pokemon Go as a game of life and death: some black person will be shot for being in the "wrong" place at the "wrong" time which presupposes when the "right" time would be. Clint Smith tells a story about being 10 years old with super soakers when he was told that he wasn't allowed to be as free as his white friends- the basis of The Talk, which every African American male has heard probably ad nauseum, but necessarily. You may notice that freedom is listed as a small thing...

Medium: Established, codified rights. 2nd Amendment. Despite my less than neutral position on gun control if Phil Castile taught me anything, it's that having a gun on you as a black man is a game of life and death, and having a registered legal firearm wasn't protection as much as fuel for racist hatred that led to his death. Many of my good friends have spoken to me about the need to have a gun, registered and trained, so in case of need I could protect myself. I've always answered that I didn't need to give the cops an extra excuse to kill me- that a gun is no protection against a cop, badge and rule of law. The reason the 2nd Amendment is in place is for people with my fears and concerns to be able to protect myself against un-necessary and/or dangerous infringements of my rights, and that my fear is they'll use the weapon they codified as my right in law as a reason for my modern lynching.

Large: Life in general, and the value of our lives specifically. We're murdered by police, and when go attempt to protest, someone shoots a cop and people of color *know* a war has been started (continued) where despite no deceleration there will still be casualties. We can't even get together to mourn. Independently, it's important to know that the reason these stories made the news is they happen to have been recorded by witnesses and/or victims families. In this same block of time, Delrawn Small was also killed by police in Brooklyn, NY. It, too, was recorded, but he was shot be an off-duty cop, so...i guess it's less relevant...no wait...

So as the media reminds us to pray for the Dallas 5, while we remember Alton and Phil, let's not forget Delrawn and the countless others we never find out about. 

Stay safe out in these streets, my people.

How gun control and racial violence are more similar than different...

I've been sitting around for a couple of days, trying to let all that has happened kind of marinade in my head, and I've been trying my best to cope with the insanity. Yesterday was harder than most, but I managed to make it through. And as the days have gone along, I noticed more and more white people speaking up against the police violence- saying that they'd had enough and were no longer going to be silent.

Then some cops got shot.

And, predictably I'd say, the conversation about people being killed by the police turned into a manhunt for the shooter, and the only reason the shootings made it into the news at all was as a reference point for the police being shot (the event everyone was at was a protest to speak against the reckless deaths of Philando Castile, Delrwan Small and Alton Sterling- three men who had been shot by police in the last 3 days). As this was happening, I had to wonder what it was that allowed people in society to just forget about these travesties days later, and it hit me like a load of bricks- it's really similar to gun control. Here's how that works...

When there's a shooting or some situation where a gun was abused and people are senselessly killed, there is an immediate, and predictable response. People lose their damn minds, for a few days- Facebook Activism is at its zenith- everyone talking about what we need to do to garner real change. And so when there's a catalyst, the people are quick to respond and indignant in their pitch. Here's the problem- the people who are against gun control, the 2nd amendment zealots who are the lifeblood of the National Rifle Association, are also focusing on protection of gun rights, as vigorously and indignantly as the people who want guns to be curtailed. Here's the problem though: when the conflict ends and all the conversations about gun control are quieted for whatever reason it happens to be, the gun rights advocates are still pushing their agenda, working just as hard if not harder in the shadows and not under the watchful eye of liberals....

...by the same accord, when there's an unjustifiable shooting of a black man, it's a big deal to some of us- but it's a big deal to some of us everyday. Some of us are the Moms Demand Action For Gun Sense- a group that's on the front lines every. damn. day. trying to foster change. But for the most part,  people forget when the news cycle ends. The problem is, just like the NRA, racists don't take a day off- they're always trying to continue oppressing people who don't have the power to fight back and to shoot and kill people who want to fight against the power structure.

There are more racists than people fighting racism with all they have, and the critical mass is too non-invested to facilitate any true change...

The simultaneously Invisible and Hyper-Visible Man

Ralph Ellison speaks of himself as an Invisible Man in his amazing novel by the same name. He indicates the reason for his invisibility isn't because he's invisible or he's not there, it's merely because people choose to not see him.

I understand this sentiment.

I find myself in situations where it seems that people don't even notice I'm present. In the last 72 hours, people have a) walked in front of me to have a conversation with someone i was talking to, b) made a disparaging comment about me to another party, c) been looked through, as if i'd been transparent- think Casper the Friendly Ghost type stuff. I have been ignored at a restaurant to the point of my leaving after ordering but before getting my food. All of these could be considered data to prove Ellison's argument true.

But it's more than that.

I'm pretty sure if that's all it was, it would suck, but i'd shrug my shoulders and keep it movin'. It also seems that blacks can, in a matter of seconds or even simultaneously in certain situations, become hyper-visible: visible in a way as to stand out in either positive or negative ways- for me, usually negative. As I was walking to the bench and picnic table i'm writing this on, I have to walk down maybe 100 feet of sidewalk to get there. As I approach the sidewalk, a woman who is walking toward me, walks around a tree and into the street until she passes me and then returns to the sidewalk. Look homegirl, I get it. But what she did made me want to just sprint after her and watch her run the fastest 200 yards since FloJo in 1988. The example from yesterday evening with the woman and her self described "racist dog" is more evidence that my race comes into play. Dogs bark at people sometimes (or maybe there are just way more racist "dogs" than i think.

It's interesting when invisibility and hyper-visibility converge simultaneously- when someone who has been looking through or choosing not to a person is confronted by that person- the moment when authentic relationships can start- the person goes into hyper-visibility mode and reacts in fear: maybe it's clutching a purse or checking for a wallet (yeah that happens)- maybe it's not being able to look you in the eye, maybe it's just turning in panic and walk away quickly (all three of these things has happened to me since i've been in Boston).

When the baton of humanity is handed to you, it's your responsibility to grab it. Dropping it shouldn't be an option. Too many times, it's the standard.

Story of the day...or...that time I threatened to kill a woman's dog

When I walk home from work in Cambridge, it's quite common to see people: men, women and even little kids, walking their dogs around the neighborhood. The area right around Harvard is pretty quaint- a place with tree lined, brick sidewalk laid neighborhood with houses most people would love to grow up- and in the shadow of America's "Finest Academic Institution" (the why in the world would hire me blog is in the future- for another day). It's an ares drenched in privilege. So my walk home, over the last few summers, has always been an "adventure"- last year I was pulled over by Cambridge Police, and given a ticket, for jaywalking- which I didn't even know was done...

...so i'm always, how can we say, noticed, when i walk around town. Well today, as I'm walking, I pass an older white woman, walking a beautiful Black Labrador. As she and the dog walk by me, the dog loses it's shit and starts barking at me furiously and lunging at me. The woman is apologetic, telling me she's sorry but "her dog is racist."

Dogs aren't racist. Dogs sense fear in their owners and act accordingly. The dog brain isn't sophisticated enough to be racist. Your dog is racist if and only if you, too, are a racist. 

So I decided to let her know that. I told her that dogs aren't savvy and don't have the level of intelligence to make discernments about a persons race- the dog is not proactive, but instead, reactive, to the feelings of the owner- if the owner is comfortable and happy, the dog responds that way, and when the owner if fearful, the dog reacts that way...as i'm saying this the dog is going. fucking. bonkers. barking and lunging at me, and it's obvious she's having a hard time holding the dog. Each time the dog is closer to reaching me and she seems to be trying, but not really hard to stop him. I think she'd be fine with this dog "scaring me off" and I have to get bitten, so be it.

Me: I will, if this dog attacks me, without question, snap this dogs fucking neck. I've done it before, so I have no problem doing it again...

She yanks her dog away, mumbling under her breath about me as if I couldn't hear her. Benefit of whiteness: those comments get her confronted in a way she'd be uncomfortable, but would also get me arrested. I walk home, realizing that a mere two minutes ago, I would have considered my day alright despite waking up with food poisoning. 

Yes, I have had to break a dog's neck. Yes, there were legal implications.  Yes, I was absolved of those implications. That's for another day though...

Nobody Cares about Country, everybody loves Ribs

Welcome to my blog. It's me, my writing and a limit on words so i can do things other than write. I'll write about what I want to and sometimes that and what you care about will intersect. And if they don't...well...i don't give a....

Some will be serious and tense and driven by race and hate. And sometimes I'll just talk about food...

Today is the Fourth of July.

This fact holds very little significance to me. 

I don't really have a lot of love for the Founding Fathers, which I am sure would have been mutual. For this reason, I've never been a big fan of the Big Deal people make about the Fourth. In my family, however, the 4th of July never meant any of the Independence Day Will Smith bullshit, but it was instead an opportunity for the entire family to get together for the birthday of the Matriarch of the family, my grandmother. 

But what it also meant, it was another time for my mothers brothers to get together to play that famous family game: who made the best ribs. Their prowess on the grill was only enhanced by their geographical diversity: an uncle from North Carolina, another from Kansas City, a third from central texas and a fourth from Laredo. Each had their own rub, sauce and swagger: and each believed they were better than the other ( i preferred my Kansas City uncle's BBQ spot which was most like LC's of ann place i ever had to pay). Those epic battles from the grill and the smoker helped place me, mentally, in a world where at the foot of some of the best pitmasters i've ever been around, but also take me to a place, mentally, where i could just let my mind engage and not think about the 3/5 compromise or my unfulfilled 40 acres and a mule.

So today, and every 4th of July, i find myself awash in nostalgia, thinking back fondly of BBQ experiences from back in the day, and all I can think about is: man, I wish i had a way to makes some charred meat. The desire to make BBQ, to put some ribs on the grill (or in the smoker, after appropriate preparation, obviously), grill some burgers and dogs or prepare myself a steak or a corn on the cob, grab a cold frosty one and enjoy the day. But i have no BBQ, and it's the fourth, and i don't have access to a grill. My initial fear was that there would be no restaurant open to satisfy my needs. but because this is 2016, and not 1864, many places were available, so with a simple message via Door Dash, I'll be feasting on ribs: Texas, St Louis and baby backribs, sliced brisket and smoked sausage. Even the sides looked on point. 

I'll post a pic and review up later.